I Prank the Warriors
by Lugia's Apprentice
Summary: Title says it all. Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
1. Faithless

Note: This story takes place between Long Shadows and Sunrise, so (spoiler alert!) Firestar is alive, Ashfur is dead, and Jayfeather & Co. are ticked off at Squirrelflight. Darkpool's bio is on my profile.

Disclaimer: I only own Darkpool. Nothing else.

It was a dark but quiet night in the ThunderClan camp. A lone figure slipped through the shadows, unseen, into the warriors' den. The cat was Darkpool, the RiverClan medicine cat apprentice. He gracefully padded around until, at last, he stood over his quarry: Squirrelflight, his father's foster mother. Focusing his powers, he slipped into her dream.

Darkpool opened his eyes. Upon looking around, he saw he was in WindClan territory. "_Why WindClan?"_ he thought. As he took a step, his paw touched something fluffy. Darkpool looked down to see Squirrelflight sleeping at his paws. The half-clan tom couldn't help but think "_WTF? She dreams about sleeping?"_ Not one to waste time, Darkpool got to work. Channeling his powers into the environment, he summoned a clone of Ashfur. While "Ashfur" was getting Squirrelflight's attention. Darkpool quickly raced out of the dream and into Brambleclaw's mind.

When Darkpool opened his eyes once more, he saw that he and Brambleclaw were on the island. Brambleclaw was the first to speak.

"Darkpool? What are you doing here?" inquired the deputy. "Do you have a message for me?"

"Yes," said Darkpool. "I have seen something very important. Squirrelflight is- well, maybe you'd better see it for yourself." The medicine apprentice's voice was oddly gruff. With a wave of his tail, Darkpool brought them into Squirrelflight's dream. At the moment, she was sharing tongues with "Ashfur." Darkpool's next words were laced with sympathy. "Brambleclaw, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Squirrelflight is cheating."

"WHAT?! SQUIRRELFLIGHT, HOW COULD YOU?!" roared Brambleclaw. While the dark tabby was busy trying to rip his mate to shreds, Darkpool slipped out of the dream and raced out of the camp. Once he was safely hidden in a bush, the medicine apprentice burst into a fit of laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"he laughed. "Squirrelflight has deserved that for a LONG time!"  
So ends the first chapter. The first ten reviewers will get virtual ice cream sundaes and a Jayfeather plushie!


	2. Family secrets

A closer look at DA RULEZ reminded me that I can't accept requests by review, so PM me if you have an idea. There are more spoilers in this chapter! Review responses:

Katsimi: -gives sundae and plushie- Thanks!

Disclaimer: I only own Darkpool.

It was sunhigh in the ThunderClan camp, and the ThunderClan cats were very busy, mainly with trying to get to Jayfeather's den to have their wounds from a recent battle treated. Using his powers of invisibility, Darkpool strolled into the camp once more. He went to the medicine cat's den and sat next to Jayfeather, still undetectable. As Jayfeather was busy tending to Graystripe, Squirrelflight barged in.

"Jayfeather, Firestar has an infected wound. Can you come help him?" she asked. Jayfeather opened his jaws to reply, but before he could say anything, the still-undetectable Darkpool, whose voice sounded much like Jayfeather's, shouted,

"YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!" Gasps of shock echoed through the camp as Darkpool gave away their secret. His job done, Darkpool sped away, trying (and failing) to keep his laughter under control.

The ice-cream-and-plushie offer still stands. Come on, it's a JAYFEATHER plushie! How can you refuse?


	3. The Mate is a Lie

More reviews! This is already my most popular story! (gives out sundaes and plushies) Now to respond to reviews:

Applepiez: I have no idea.

IloveJayfeather: I wasn't. The point of the prank was to socially destroy Squirrelflight. I don't like her.

Disclaimer: I only own Darkpool.

It was dawn in the ThunderClan camp. The cats were- heck, you know the drill. Darkpool was back, not even using his powers. He shot into Firestar's den and woke him.

"FIRESTAR! SPOTTEDLEAF AND SANDSTORM ARE FIGHTING BY THE LAKE! YOU NEED TO BREAK THEM UP!" Firestar's head shot up. Darkpool raced out of camp with Firestar hot on his paws. Soon they reached the lake, and Firestar tripped on a bug. Screaming like a kit, he fell into the water and somehow came up in the middle of the lake.

"DARKPOOL! HELP!" Firestar's panicked screech was cut short as a wave appeared out of nowhere and dragged him under. Darkpool gazed out at the lake, took two steps back and one step to the left, and drew and X in the sand. Turning invisible, he padded away. Three seconds later, Firestar appeared once again, making a feeble attempt to surf. Needless to say, the wave threw him out of the water.

The sound of Firestar's shriek could be heard from miles away, right before the ThunderClan leader was faceplanted into Darkpool's X.

7 sundaes left! Requests by PM are being taken! (well, they would be if I had any)


	4. Word on the Breeze

I think ThunderClan has had enough bashing for now. Review response:

CandyBunnies: …you said the same thing twice. (gives 1 plushie and sundae)

Also, I have a follower! Yay! ICE CREAM AND PLUSHIEZ 4 EVRY1! …ahem. I will now humiliate my least favorite cat! I've always wanted to do this…

Disclaimer: I only own Darkpool.

It was a warm, sunny day in WindClan territory. (I bet you already know who it is.) Birds were chirping, grass was… I don't know, being grass? And rabbits were running for their lives.

"Mouse dung!" shouted Breezepelt. He was in an even worse mood than usual, despite that kind of being impossible, because this was the third time today that a rabbit had escaped him. Must've been the prey he was stealing… anyhoo, the annoying tom was mad. When Breezepelt's patrol came back to camp, everyone else had three fat rabbits. Each. Breezepelt had nothing. His stomach growling and his ears burning with shame, he went back out to go cry in a corner.

Breezepelt quickly discovered that there aren't any corners on a moor. Upon realizing this, he proceeded to repeatedly bash his head on the nearest big rock. "Why am I so stupid?" he wailed. He then heard a gentle hum.

"Breezepelt, you're only stupid if you don't try this out!" Breezepelt whirled around to find… Heathertail in a recliner?

"_Wow. How did I miss THAT?"_ Breezepelt thought. Aloud he wondered, "What is it?"

"I have no idea," said Heathertail. "But it's comfortable." She pushed a button on the side of the recliner. Suddenly, the hum got louder, and Heathertail was visibly shaking. "Come on Breezepelt, try it!"

"_I guess I had nothing better to do today_," thought Breezepelt. He leapt onto the recliner as Heathertail left. The vibration soothed him immediately. Breezepelt had no words to describe the feeling. Instead, he nuzzled up to the chair, knowing at once that this is what he was born to do. What he DIDN'T know (among other things), was that a certain black-and-gray tom was lining up his camera...

Somewhere in my basement…

"**Did you get the picture?**"

"I did. Here."

"**Excellent. This is going straight onto the internet!**"

Long story short, Breezepelt's newest failure was a big hit, hardcore Warriors fans drove the one or two Breezepelt fangirls into hiding, and all sorts of embarrassing fanfictions were written about him, not to mention the fact that WindClan all hated him. Breezepelt was never taken seriously again.

This is by far the cruelest thing I could do to anyone, so I did it to Breezepelt. R&R, people! 5 rewards left!


	5. You Can't Eat the Metal

(rocking out on guitar controller) On a cold winter morning, in the time before the light, in flames of death's eternal- oh hi peeps. Don't mind me, continue reading. Btw, the plushies are gone. They were given to: Silenthunder, Apollo's Child, CandyBunnies, Foxsplash, Katsimi, IloveJayfeather, Applepiez, Squirtle103, and Dawnflower of WindClan. I kept one for myself. Anyhoo, I gave Dawnflower a free request, and this is what she wanted. Silenthunder, I haven't forgotten you, yours is next. I'm also starting a new fic, but I'll keep doing this one. I know how much you all love it. Soon, there'll be a link to it on my profile, along with a poll, which is there now.

Disclaimer: I only own Darkpool.

It was dusk outside the ThunderClan camp. Hollypaw, being the kind of cat she was, was out for a bit of night hunting. Meanwhile, up in a tree, Darkpool was busy stuffing a squirrel with something. He didn't know what it was. He didn't even remember where he found it. All he knew was what he was going to do with it. Soon, he scented Hollypaw close by. Turning invisible, he waited for his prey to come closer. As the black she-cat was padding under his branch. Darkpool let the squirrel drop.

After several minutes of "AAAH! GEDDITOFF GEDDITOFF GEDDITOFF!" from Hollypaw, who was running around in circles, the squirrel fell off her. Hollypaw calmed down. She looked carefully at the squirrel for a moment before deciding it was safe. Smirking, she crouched down to eat it. She took a first, hard bite…

CRASH! Hollypaw jumped up with a start, looking around fearfully to see what was wrong. Of course, it was dusk, so she really couldn't see anything, apart from all her teeth embedded in her squirrel. Hollypaw did a double take, growing terrified, at what she saw. She nervously ran her tongue across her gums. It was true- her teeth had all fallen out. She gulped. Hollypaw didn't know much but she did know two things: one, breaking the warrior code meant bad things. Number two: she was screwed.

"…and that is why I obsess over the code" explained Hollyleaf. Lionblaze was horrified that any cat would have to go through that. Jayfeather was trying not to laugh. Fortunately for him, he succeeded.

U satisfied, Dawnflower?


	6. Remember Your Roots

I've got news for you: I won't respond to reviews in my fics anymore. Now that I'm juggling 2 stories, it's just a pain. I'll still respond individually, however. And before anyone asks, No one ever asks Darkpool why he's there because one, he's a medicine apprentice, and two, he's half-clan, so he has a right to be there.

Disclaimer: I own Darkpool and the term "bluejayshipping." Nothing else.

It was just another day in ThunderClan. The elders were grumpy, the warriors were bossy, and the kits were a nuisance. As mentioned, a normal day. Cloudtail had just woken up from a well-earned rest. He'd gone on patrol four times yesterday, and Brambleclaw had told him he could sleep as long as he wanted. After giving his pure white chest fur a few quick licks, hungry as ever, Cloudtail strolled over to the fresh-kill pile. As he was trying to decide what to have for breakfast, he caught a glimpse of Darkpool, who was carrying the fattest blackbird Cloudtail had ever seen. Forgetting all else, he got up and slowly padded toward Darkpool.

"Are you going to eat that?" asked Cloudtail. "Nah, I ate before I came. You can have it," Darkpool replied. He passed the blackbird to Cloudtail, who eagerly settled down to eat. Darkpool deliberately left then, so no one could see him smirk.

Cloudtail didn't understand why Darkpool gave up the blackbird so easily, but he was never one to look a gift mouse in the mouth, as it were. He bit into the blackbird, but immediately recoiled in disgust. There was kittypet food in the bird! KITTYPET food! "_Fox dung! Oh well, might as well eat the bird,_" thought the white warrior. He began to eat again, skillfully avoiding the oddly-shaped pellets. They didn't smell like any kittypet food he'd ever seen. Cloudtail crouched down to inspect them. Unfortunately for him, Dustpelt happened to be walking by. He stifled a gasp as he got the wrong idea. Cloudtail noticed. "_I'm doomed._" thought the white tom. Dustpelt immediately snapped a picture using the conveniently placed plot device- an IPhone. Despite Cloudtail's protests, Dustpelt bolted into Firestar's den, yowling "Firestar! Firestar!" Cloudtail felt his stomach drop as Firestar roared from inside his den.

"CLOUDTAIL!"

Nice request, Silenthunder!


	7. The Secret Side of Me

Sorry for the long wait! Awesome games got my attention (Darksiders ftw!), cheaters on War for Cybertron had to be punished (I'm watching you, MasterJedy), and I had a VERY minor case of SERIOUS writer's block. Enjoy!

Darkpool smirked. Phase One of his plan was complete: dose Firestar with poppy seeds. He had to move quickly, or all would be for naught. Slipping into the blackness of ThunderClan's camp, he found the fresh-kill pile. Snaking his neck in, he withdrew a large mouse. Darkpool raised one claw and swiftly cut it open. Activating his invisibility, (stealth was of absolute importance to the mission) he raced back into Firestar's den. Slightly grimacing, the medicine apprentice removed the mouse's heart. He proceeded to smear the mouse's blood all over Firestar's neck.

Darkpool then left the den. He made a dash for the warriors' den. He quickly located Lionblaze. As Darkpool dripped mouse blood onto Lionblaze's paw, he focused on trying not to vomit. The second part of his task done, he strolled into the middle of the camp. Using hammerspace to get a boombox, and covering his ears, Darkpool reluctantly turned on "Baby" by Justin Bieber.

The "music" had the desired effect. Cats flew in from all over the place, trying to find and destroy the offending player. Upon obliterating the boombox, Cloudtail spoke up. "Hey, why didn't Firestar help?" Other cats began to murmur. Thinking that Firestar was still asleep, and not wanting to even CONSIDER that Firestar might have liked Bieber, (they respected him too much to think that) they padded into their leader's den, wanting to inform him of the public service they performed. When they saw their leader, a collective gasp arose from the crowd. By the looks of the blood on Firestar's throat, he'd been murdered.

"Who could've DONE this?" asked a fearful Graystripe. Immediately, all eyes fell on Lionblaze, who was complaining about the mess on his paw.

"What?" he mewed.

Lionblaze's pained yowls were heard by every cat to ever live. So just imagine what happened once Firestar woke up!


End file.
